damn!!!

what a bad day today??
already instant transfer the money to people to claim my crystal..
but people said haven't receive anything from me..

I go check again~ what a problem I met now??
There are two side to check the details.
1. view click transaction: successful of the transaction details all are listed out, included what bank I transfer to, and transfer to who, with the amount and time & date as well.
2. calendar view: fucking unclear details listed out, without showing the account I transfer to, name of the person, and also the bank I transfer to. (just showed the amount of the money had transfer. damn!) what is the problem now??

Should I claim with the person or the bank??
If I claim with the person, then if he really didn't receive any payment from me, how?
For what he bear this amount of payment? with just a receipt of evidence from me?
Should I claim with the bank? since they didn't show the very CLEAR details for their customer!!

bad luck of saturday~

Yesterday, was outside with my boyfriend for whole day.

When we wanna go take the car, found that the back window of his car already broke into "spider web"

We can't even find out what actually caused the window brake...

Nothing disappear, nothing to suspect, no knock on car and the alarm no ring too..

Really do not understand what had happened, we really cannot accept what had happened to the car..

Replace the window at least need 500 bucks, it not a small amount for us when we have other thing to bear..

My boyfriend was shocked and he was not in mood.. the conversation between us also became less..

I know I cannot do anything beside accompany him, and give him some mental support.. that's all I can do.

After a day, Sunday today.

I still cannot feel that he feels better for last night incident..

He went out with friends for whole day, and I understand..

yes, I did understand him and didn't against or complain him..

Now he need to relax, release, and support for his friends as well..

Even I miss him, but I don't feel want to increase his stress..

darling, I hope u feel better soon, and response to me when u need me..

I will feel happy when u need me.. don wan u to bear everything urself..

cause i really donno wat can actually i do for u.. 

i scare u will leave me 1 day when u feel so much stress from me..

To do list (movie, June-July 2011)

1. Quarantine (scary movie about recorded some scary screen, USA)
2. Rec 1 






3. Rec 2






4. Unknown


5. Day breakers






# to do list is the list i wanna to done it~
not just list down and didnt do anything~ i list down to remind me to watch them as much as i can :)

recently discovery~

Recently spent quite a lot on body care. My friends introduced me some very nice body care.

Below are the things that I bought.

My lip stuff: Peace of Mind is mine, while Cafe Latte is my friend..

My friend introduced this lip balm to us, said that it's made by a women who 

produced by natural stuff, like sunflower oil, etc.

Besides that, this also soften our lips as well beside they have over 400 flavours to choose.

Peace of Mind got the peppermint scent, and your lips will feel cool and spicy.

And it's really different compare with the lip balms from outside even branded.

After you apply on your lips, you will feel it's very oil, but don't worry,

it's just because you not use to it, and even it's does oil at the beginning, but it makes you feel soft,

not as others made u feel sticky. This is what I do like.

Play Boy: Play It Spicy

My friend currently using Play It Sweet, which is pink in colour, it does looked sweet with the design,

I choose Spicy is because I want to try something new beside same as my friend. 

And I do like Spicy smell as well. 

Body Shop: Aqua Lily Body Mist & Divine Calm Relaxing Massage Oil

These recently I do feel like want help my boyfriend massage his muscles since he stress and busy recently.

So that I do some research to find the massage oil. It's really few of shops that selling 

massage oil, and I found some in The Body Shop.

The one I bought is lavendar scent as I like the smell as well.

Lavendar can relaxed people from stress and tiredness, and my boyfriend does love the smell as well.

So that I bought it for massage use. 

Aqua Lily was bought because they have 50% discount, from original price RM45 to RM22.50

Really worth it, and I do love the this since long time ago, just never have chances to buy it.

So that, I bought 2 items. HeHe

Now I got 3 smells to exchange whenever I like since I got perfume, Aqua Lily and Play Boy.

I really do not know why I bought them since they are not a necessary stuff to have now. But what can I do since already bought? =.= 

alone winter warmer~ ing~

       Today after USM, i was plan to go eat something nice, because really stress recently, and there is no people who is really close with me accompany to having a wonderful lunch..

       So, I decide to having the lunch alone in winter warmer, the reason is there have a really great atmosphere, and I like their spaghetti as well. 

       I know that sure a lot of people can't accept to having meal alone in a restaurant or some where else, even most of my friends can't really accept my habit.. haha.. but i understand.

       I still think that, having meals alone and with someone else have their own joy, and I enjoy both. Enjoy the time when I am alone, and also enjoy the time when I am with someone else...

seafood spaghetti

I forget that this spaghetti have shrimps...=.=, I am not good in peeling the shrimp by using fork and spoon,

no choice, I have to use fingers to peel them even I am not willing to do so in western restaurant, but better than I get embarrassed when peeling them with fork and spoon...=.=" 

apple lemon cocktail 

This drink not as I expected, not the one that I wish to have. I am looking for something to fresh my mind, but this one just normal. Inside got some apple fresh, and the taste I am not really sure is it really lemon, because taste not as lemon..=.=

       When I am going to finish my spaghetti, my opposite table, just in front me, came in a Caucasion, with one malaysian old lady, and old man. The way that Caucasion behaved really attracted me, his actions and the way his behaved really different with us. 

        I saw them served with a fruit cocktail, at the beginning I am not really sure what is that cocktail's name, it is yellow with orange colour, untill they tasted the cocktail and talking about it I just know that is peach..

        From their reactions, I can know that the cocktail really nice, plus, the Caucasion's reactions really made me believed it is really good. So, i decided next time wanna try that cocktail as well. haha, thanks Caucasion~

batu ferringhi

 a very beautiful seaside~ the sands so pretty~

 got a river in the middle of the beach, so amazing~ loL

 what the footprint are there? a kind of bird? or chicken? 

can u see the baby crab? looked alike the sands. there are a lot of small crab on the beach...


well, we had fun on the beach, eating the corn while watch people playing around, and the view are so pretty just as the pictures.. 

our 1st valentine's day

never expected that he will gives me flowers..loL

these are the presents that i gave him, and the present he gave me. Although they are not as other couples got a very luxury gifts, but they are also meaningful and useful.

haha, he is so cute, learned from me, and he got a new nickname by his friends, called jupiter's posture.. loL

my 1st birthday present by him :)

he brought the candies when he went to KL visited his friends. I was wondered this candies as well before he went to KL.
He gave me a surprise because he told me he didn't buy, but he gave them to me when he came and see me..
Starting really disappointed because of his careless, but touched because he not really ignore my requests.

p/s: the candies still left a lot in my house, the quality of the taste became bad cause I left them for quite a long time... :p

烦&担心

不懂为什么，最近我都胡思乱想，想东想西~想到我都怕。
真的很烦~ 你每次都会弄到我很生气，但是你又不懂你弄我生气了。
做么这么迟钝的？做么这么笨蛋，做么这么猪头？
做么还有让我那么爱你？很烦耶~
我怕有一天，我会受不了你这么漫不经心而离开你~
我怕有一天，你会受不了我对你的不理不睬而离开我~
我怕有一天，你会觉得我很烦而离开我~
怕有一天，你会对我厌烦了，嫌弃我的样貌，嫌弃我的身材~
文章不都这么说吗？
很多感情刚开始都是最美好的，但是日久了，就会全变了样，而被留下的那个就是我。。
我真的不想那样~我怕被留下~
但是为什么你就一直弄我生气呢？
为什么我说的话你都不要听？我真的没资格管吧~
身体是你的，你想怎样就这样咯~你都不担心了，我还担心做么？

终于

跟我的现任男朋友在一起之后，意识到了，什么才是真的感情。
真正的一段感情，是要两方面的付出，努力，扶持，维护的。
也让我意识到了我之前那一段，是多么的不堪。也不配说那是爱情。

现在真的很开心，让我觉得不像以前那么累，我很感谢男朋友对我的包容和体贴。
就算回想起以前的事，也只让我觉得，我以前多么的天真跟单纯，以为那就是爱情。原来什么都不是，只不过我付出了我的感情而已，而我得到的只是别人的知识，其他的什么都没有了。

我也打算了，想把以前的东西都抹掉，不只是为了我最爱的男人，也为了我自己。
我不想因为我的过去给他造成困扰，或让他难过。我不会让他说的任何伤害和委屈。

而最近，我的前度男友，信息我，当初我以为他单纯的想跟我维持朋友关系。所以回复了他。
但是我没想到，并不是我想到那么简单。这不止困扰我，也困扰我的男友。
真的希望“他”别再对我有任何非分之想。毕竟已经无关他的事了。

我只想在没有任何阴影下度过美好时光，我爱我的男友。
在这里，我只会保留我的作品，但以往的日记，关于“他”的我都会删掉。

我爱你哦番薯。。哈哈

突然意识到

刚刚darling提起他的朋友，che，我就问他关于他的一些事，感情方面的。

因为看到他跟另一个女生很亲密的合照，弄到我不懂哪个才是他的女友。。后来弄清楚了。
但是也无意间意识到另一件事。。

那就是我天真的以为他很爱他女友，但是其实并不然。
听darling说，che对女友感觉责任多于爱情，听了还蛮伤心的，因为我一直以为，爱就是爱，不然在一起为了什么？darling 说，che也许还有爱吧，只是没以前强烈。。

他们一起有5年了，真的很长时间了，难道感情淡了吗？如果没有爱，日后怎么相处下去？
结了婚怎么相处？要是没了爱，剩下的将会是更多么埋怨跟抱怨。我最不想看到这样了。

我突然开始领悟了，现在相爱，不代表以后一样相爱，也许演变成相怨。。那么该怎么办呢？
该继续还是该停止？该相恋还是该埋怨？该厮守终老还是离开对方？？

如果情况已经演变成了这样，而选择了前者，那么会痛苦吗？也许会吧。。

我开始想，现在的我们也许相爱，但要是日后，多年后，或是婚后，你对我的爱已经厌倦了，
开始了很多的埋怨，我该怎么办？我们的爱情该怎么办?
我只是不希望在一起是因为责任，因为抱怨会更多。
我不喜欢被爱的人抱怨，而我却不知道。

是的，我当然会放你走，但是我该怎么办？
重新找过一个人来爱吗？我想我已经没有那个勇气了吧。。
也没有那个精力了，也不再有信心，看到了太多的悲剧。。太多我不想看到的，
太多跟我所认为的不一样。。太多的背叛。。

我已经没什么信心，一段爱情能坚持多久，一切都会在你如意的时候产生变化。。
真是不知所措。。

为什么就要那么复杂呢？？为什么就不能爱一个人到永久呢？那么困难吗？
那么为什么当初要告诉那个人你多么的爱他，不能失去他呢？？那又为什么在他相信你的承诺的时候远离他呢？ 为什么要给对方一个连你自己都不懂得是不是的承诺呢？
那为什么就不能在你真的认为她就是你要的人才说出那些话呢？

我真的好怕这样的那一天会到来，而且是在我决定跟你厮守终老之后发生。。

如果痛苦，那么请离开我好吗？我不要你抱怨我~真的。。你开心就好。。但是不要抱怨我。

病

不在电脑面前已有一个星期，
躺在床上也是一个星期，
没能爬起来跟你聊天，一个星期。

病的蛮重的，
因为是一个人生活，家里就只有我一个人类。
所以生病期间，希望的是奇迹发生，
吃着以前留着的药，
让后躺回床上，蛮辛苦的。

甚至爬不起床吃药和喝水，
完全没力气。
睡了不懂几久，几天，几小时，
听到屋里有声音，但是又下不了床。。
管他的，老娘没力了，要偷什么就偷吧。

糊里糊涂的睡去了，
感觉到有个冷冷的手掌放在额头，
谁啊？？发不出声。
听到有人叫着我的名字，
但是眼睛开不了，
别吵我，我要睡觉，没力了。

睡梦中，一直有东西在走来走去，
看到一些影子，但是看不清楚，
又在睡了回去。
好像有人喂我吃药，和粥，
但是我真的开不了口，
忽然有个软绵绵的东西，
贴在我的嘴，然后水流了进来，
连食物也是这样。
然后睡了回去。

咦~
怎么旁边多了个枕头啊？
而且蛮舒服的，可以抱。
抱着那个不懂什么时候多出来的枕头睡了。

有好转了，可以张开眼睛了，
但是有香气，好饿哦。
房门被打开了，
你端着食物进来，有点被吓到，
你怎么在这？
但是，我还是吃了再说。
你坐在我的床旁边，
我要伸手去拿，
你却不让，
咦？你在做么？我要吃。。
发不出声。。天啊。。

但是你好像懂得我想表达什么，
你摇了摇头，让后微笑。
？？问号？？什么啊？笑到这么恐怖。
你开始喂我吃，把汤匙放到我嘴边，
然后你的口开开的，哈哈。。
我也只能口开开等你喂了，
蛮好吃的，不过我真的好饿哦，
喂快点啦。。

终于吃完了，让后你拿了几颗药给我。
我皱了眉头，我不要吃药，
为什么这么多颗？不吃它们我也能很好~~
哼，反过头，不看药。
忽然你就把我转回去，直接吻住我，
吓到了，干嘛吻我，
才想问，药跟水一同被灌进嘴里，
也就这样吞了进去。
我瞪我瞪我瞪瞪瞪！！
好贼哦，做这种事。



完
（发表于8月26日在佳礼网，本人作品）

下雪

冬天了吗？
那加拿大也许下雪了吧。
下雪是怎样的啊？那么我来凭空想象吧。

在这个国家过了几个冬季呢？
今天，下雪了。
又爱又恨的季节；
爱，因为它的冷清孤僻傲慢；
恨，因为它的孤单寂寞。

走在街上，看着人来人往，觉得我也许不是很孤单，
因为还有人陪我在街上走着，也许目的地是不一样。

一个人在街上，朝着书店前进，餐馆，学校，百货公司，咖啡厅等等。。
一个人这么过了那么多个冬天，来到了约好的地方，我早到了。
一向来都是我先到，因为我想静静的喝咖啡，看书。

今天只是喝咖啡，书躺在手上。
看着窗外发起呆来，雪花好漂亮，
轻轻的飘啊飘的飘洒在空中，再落在雪地上。

好美啊。它们无忧无虑的飞行中，
虽然不懂会落在谁的身上，但还是没关系的飘着。
终于落在了陌生人的身上，随之融化了。
就像无怨无悔的，明知道了，还是随着自己的心思去完成。

看着人来人往的，忽然发现，
怎么我都没去享受雪花的洒落啊？
忍不住了，把书放下，
起身往外走，慢慢的先踏出第一步，
然后把手套脱了，手慢慢的伸出去，
雪花一粒一粒，一粒一粒的落在手掌上，
好轻好轻，几乎感觉不到它，但是慢慢的，融化在皮肤。
好微妙的凉，不仔细的感觉它们，是根本会忽略的。

原来雪花是这样的，好渺小，也好漂亮。
为什么我现在才感觉到呢？
瞬间的感动，激情，柔情，和包容，就在那么一秒展现和消失。

再抬头看看天空。

我看到了，好多的雪花哦。
白茫茫的，飘落下来，
就像天使一样，飞下人间，而我看到它们了。
洒在我的脸上，感觉好好，
冰凉凉的，不是那么的冰，就一秒而已。

空气好好，呼吸也顺畅。
就这么待在雪地中不懂多久了，
有一个人，摸了我的头，吓到我了，
看下是谁，原来约好的人到了，
呵呵。。
他叫我别待在外头太久，会着凉的，
我恩了一声，跟着他拉着我手的方向回去我之前坐的位置。

回头再看了看雪花，依然的美丽动人，
依然的下着，没因为我的离去而停止。

我好想你。。但那已不再是我的权利了。。

因为你，我培养了一些习惯。如今你离开了，我的习惯却改不掉了。。。

原本不想再怀念你，但是每每都会因为一首歌，一句话，一个字，都会牵动我的记忆。。

一个人

一个人，站在落地窗，看着夜里热闹的城市喧哗的操作，
位于城市中央的豪华公寓，显得特别的孤独孤寂。。

捧着一杯热乎乎的拉铁，对着外头发起呆，
好羡慕那些可以在外面，跟大家胡闹的年轻人，
忽然发现，自己已是30的女人了，20已经离开得无影无踪，
心里笑了。。是因为已是成熟人士而笑了。。

喜欢自己独处的生活，不受任何人的干扰，也不必去想念任何的人，
自由自在的生活，想去旅行就旅行，想去狂欢就狂欢，想做么就做么，
想窝囊就窝囊，只是不能懦弱。

但是，自由的代价就是寂寞，每个人承受的寂寞是不一样的，
也看个人怎么处理。
寂寞时就找朋友逛街聊天喝咖啡，
但是，依然是寂寞。。。

寂寞得起是最潇洒的。
对着外头发呆喝咖啡已有一阵子了，
咖啡凉了，城市不再喧哗了，
一个夜晚就这么结束了，
夜里就显得无比的冷清。。

庆幸我买了个好音响，
客厅也不小，播着舒适的音乐，
自个儿移动脚步，
以最简单，最舒适的方式跳起舞，
突然希望有个人，可以搂着我的腰，
有个肩让我擐，胸膛让我靠，
那么这个舞曲就完美了。。

但是，一个人的舞曲似乎也不错，
就是少了点什么。。
一个人的浪漫，似乎就是这样吧。。。

再次来到落地窗，
看着外头，心里对着外面的世界说声，
晚安。。。
深吸一口气，心里很和平，
想念一个人。

你，睡了吗？？
睡了吧。。。
我，很好。。。一个人过得很好。。。

开学开销还真大。。。

离开学日期剩13天又5小时14分。。哈哈。。。好兴奋哦。。
也就是说，我只剩下13天又5小时14分的时间给我准备开课。。。

太多东西要买了，化妆品，服饰，隐形眼药水等。。。
呵呵。。

今天下午做了便宜的开销，
化妆品只花了少过100块，
买了眼线膏，睫毛膏，遮瑕膏和卸妆水。。
哈哈。。好划算哦，如果在平时，一支睫毛膏就需要50+了。。

化妆品搞定！！

接下来是，
明天要去便宜的店面买服饰，希望以最便宜的价钱买到最多的服饰，
那么又省了一笔，哇哈哈哈。。

接下来呢，
是要买最好的眼药水，贵些没关系，最重要是眼睛别受伤。。

如果这些都买完了，还剩些钱，
那么就可以买一双比较得体的鞋，和书包。。
这两样还不大重要，所以有剩的钱才买。。
嘻嘻。。。

哇哈哈哈。。。
只剩下一星期的时间让我去槟城把路线都背熟。。
天啊。。没人陪我哦。。好紧张。。怕走错路了。。。
哇哈哈哈哈。。。

深爱的陌生人

爱     无条件的付出
不知对象来自哪个远方的他

无数个夜晚里     发出了无数个晚安
但    不知哪个他    收到了吗

对着陌生的他     产生了化学效应
眷恋着他的笑声     做的一切的一切
只为了再次听到      他发出内心的一笑

看着熟悉的名字
模糊的样貌
凭空的幻想
那张脸
如何的微笑     如何的哭泣
如何的喜悦     如何的愤怒


爱着一个陌生人
快乐是他给     伤心是自找

爱着一个陌生人
我已付出了     我一切的一切
再也给不了     再多的我了
爱到绝望了

深爱的陌生人
我想收回     我所有的爱
多么残忍的决定   
撕心裂肺的勇气
我们做回
最陌生的陌生人


（自创歌词）

习惯

爱一个人，会把对方的习惯变成自己的习惯，也许有天分开了，


发现习惯改不掉了。。我会继续习惯，因为这是他唯一的记忆。。。就算没了他的记忆，也不必急迫的改掉这些习惯，

因为也许有个爱上你的另一个人，也爱上这些习惯。。