工事，委屈 Hard feelings in works

今天，莫名的一个顾客要求我写抱歉信函。说真的，那一刻我是气炸了，接受不到为什么这封抱歉的信需要由我来写？顾客指名道姓我要去写给他！这一点已经让我心理很不平衡了，要我写也不是不行，我总该要知道我到底哪里犯错了，我才知道要怎样写吧？那个主管他去见的顾客，我从上个星期交代他去处理了，拖到了今天，导致顾客要我写信！我已经很不甘心的了，同事说得很简单，说我自己压力做么？我不是压力，我是不甘心。对，做给他罢了，有什么好不甘心的？旁人说得很简单，你们很理智，而我情绪化，我也没什么好去争的了，只是问看大家到底要写怎样的抱歉涵，叫我随便写，说真的，我做不到随便写。毫无头绪，从来没有写过这种内容的信，我就试着上网找看看有没有合适的格式可以参考看看，然后再摸索要怎样写出来。我确实是很认真在于这封信上，毕竟它是一封抱歉的信，肯定不是随便就可以乱写的，要看起来专业，诚心的歉意。所以我就没想要吃饭，一时不饿，也不想吃，因为没心情吃了。也许同事是看不过眼我搞到自己吃不下饭吧。一个个叫我吃，而我也语气不好了。我只希望大家可以让我一个人整理好我的情绪，当我透明，让我自己想好跟做好我要做的事，我就真的很感激了。结果那个臭人，每次都要用激将法，说真的，我不喜欢这种方式。我在思考在看格式要写信，他一直放话说那么简单的信还需要看格式，不用的啦，看来做么？弄到自己压力。我已经够烦的了，很不想理他，偏偏一直在那边刺激我的情绪，老实说，我不想流泪，结果给他刺激到了，我情绪很难控制，我只好冲去厕所，避开他的攻击，让自己冷静，再一次用手机网上找合适的格式。厕所呆了大概10-20分钟，我也大概读完我需要知道的东西，然后重新回到座位上继续写我的信。出来我也不是很想跟他谈话。我知道我们两已经不爽对方了。所以我选择不搭理他，他也不搭理我。我不理解他什么情况会生气我，也许他尝试帮我的时候我不领情，或是他刺激我的时候我给他的过度反应导致他不高兴。晚上我试着信息他，问看看有管那个顾客的事情，他选择不回信。好吧，也许他累了，早休息。但是我却看到他在工作群里活跃着，我知道他依然不高兴我了。好吧，我也不知要说什么，反正我不认为我今天做了什么对不起他的事，我需要冷静的时候，他不让我冷静。他还发一条帖子，说如果你不考虑到他人的感受，那么你就别期望他人会考虑你的感受。也许只是巧合他看到了很有意义的文字，但是我很难不去对号入座。

Today was a bad day to me. 

A customer suddenly request an apologies letter from me. Yes, he mentioned my name and request I prepare and write the apologies letter, which he told to the supervisor Azwan. To be honest, i couldnt accept the request. As I don even know, what I had done to the customer, I do my jobs follow the company SOP, customer couldnt understand it, and being rude when he was talking to me, i had choosed to ignored his message and seek for professional help, to know what i can do on this. And yes, HQ feedback me that i need to find a superior to speak to the customer, and solve his problem. And i did already informed to Shazzuan on the same day as well, which is 1 week before i need to prepare the apologies letter. He arranged Azwan to meet the customer, and Azwan didnt arrange or even contact the customer until today customer again release his anger in the whatapps, only he finally contacted customer, and turned out i need to write the apologies letter. Yes, its just part of my job, and i just need to do as per request so can close the case soon. But, for what? It was not my fault, someone delayed in the progress, and turned out i am the 1 need to apology for no reasons?! Yes, i was emotional when i heard this news, i was in anger, i was upset, i was disappointed. Ok fine, i can do it, so i tried to figure it out, what kind of apologies customer was asking for. I tried to asked shazzuan, he not able to tell me what kind of the mistakes or any points that customer need my apologies. Everyone simply said, watever apologies lah, takkan customer blindly just need an apologies letter without knowing what he wants? Its fine too, i tried to figure out the template of apologies letter, as i never wrote one before, i never come accross to this kind of issues. I tried to ask Azwan as well, what customer told, at least i can have some ideas, but again, disappointed me, being my colleagues, i worked with them for almost 1 year, they should known my personalities, even customer is right, at least letting me know, what customer said, when i heard azwan and shazzuan said, "i had settled this for you, you just write whatsoever customer wants and close this case" it make me sound like i was a failed person, or i am under their arrangement. Okay, fine. Nevermind, i had a hard feelings also i tried to do, i was not willing, but i forced myself as well, because its part of my jobs, right? Ok. When preparing the letter, i tried to being focus, and i was not in hunger at the same time did not have the appetite to take the lunch. I checked templated, i do my best, but i don understand why shazzuan want to mentally attacked me asking me to take the lunch, i just want to be alone and done the letter as soon as i can. Ya, i was distressed, but i didnt deny to write the letter, i am not meant to let other people to do it for me. But shazzuan seem like misunderstand on me, he interpreted my emotions as i am refuse to write the letter, he was in a sarcastic way told me that he will do the letter for me, and i just signed on it. Seriously? It hurt me even more. And when he saw i was on google checking for template, again, he comment loudly, until everyone can hear, saying that just a simple letter also u need to check for templated, why so susah sangat nak buat letter ni? You stress apa? I tak suka tengok orang stress2 sangat buat kerja. It hit my emotions again, i had stop my negative feelings, and the feeling of ashame had already reduced before he said so, but when he spoke these all out, my ashame level were increase alot, i cant control my emotion already, so i leave my desk, and went to toilet to escape from his attacks. After spending time in toilet, i had cold down my emotions, and i was able to handle the letter in a mutual way. But i can feel the environment between me and shazzuan was in a fire. Both of us not spoke to each other eversince, i know both of us need to calm down as well, so i not kacau him. Until evening, i text him, just to find a topic, i tried to asked him if he met the customer just now. There was no replies from him, okay, maybe he was tired. But then, i saw he was active in the group, and he not reply to my msg. Another bomb. Haha.

I really donno what i can say already, he is 3 years older then me, somehow he is mature, but somehow he is childish, just like what had happened today, i was having a hard feelings as well, not less then him, he was not aware that he was hurting me by his speech, i did aware i might hurted him as well in the way i reacted to his "caring", but it should be understandable why i reacted such way.

Ya, its fine.

Watever he wants, i really not able to care too much, i care, but they are not even care for my feelings. 

Lastly, to those who understand you, no need any explanations. Those who don understand you, they don even care for your explanation and they are not worthy for your explanation. 

Last, but not least.

A strong friendships, small matter would not able to spoilt it. Believing in faith. 

I had cried a lot recently. Career, family, marriage, none of them is in good condition. And i know, i will be alone at last. This is the worst situation i would facing.