new products that i addicted to recently

1st of all, i just want to say that, my weight is getting heavy =.= i tried many ways to figure out what can i do to decrease the number of my weight on the measure machine. but there was no changing for so long and it keeps increasing =.=

now, i saw some articles about these products.
Chia seeds, a seed high in fiber and omega 3, it can also make u feel full and prevent over eating, so i bought it :P
Lecithin, its burn the fat into very small molecules and allow them to get out from body.. and i bought it too
(these two can pour in anything, really tasted good ^.^, and chia seed due to no taste, so it can absorb anythng that it is in, so be careful on what u going to pour in ya :P)

finally, Lavender, actually i love the lavender scent since very long time ago, anything related to lavender, i sure will buy it.. and yesterday i bought lavender from a uncle, he sell them cheaper compare to you buy it from restaurant or tea shop, i got them with 5 bucks, and its enough for me to satisfy my addict LOL.
and i found out, you not only can make lavender tea and drink, you can also use the tea on your face!!
I use cottons, wet whole cotton with lavender tea, and put on my face, its kinda hydrate and make you feel calm and relax, because you can smell the scent!! after 15-20 mins, you take out the cotton, don rinse it!! you will find out your face really soft than before and its hydrated!! I love it so much!!

1st time wanna throw my handphone very badly!! if i got plenty of money, i surely throw it and buy a new 1!!

我

"我" 这个字代表了中心点, 现在想些关于我的事..

我, 很傲慢孤僻, 难以了解, 自相矛盾, 自欺欺人. 

对喜欢的人事物绝对不会抗击, 但是讨厌的东西, 我已经尽量的避开了, 尽量不接触, 但是如果我在默默的避开时, 受到了威胁, 我绝对不会坐以待毙, 让人家欺负, 你以什么方式招惹我, 我就怎么对付会你, 我觉得这并没有错, 也从来没有人觉得我错了, 我还真的是受到挫折了, 第一次被人认为我做错了. 是这样吗? 我喜欢用我的文法和文采来表达我的想法, 我从以前就是这样了, 认识我的人都懂, 我真的觉得没有错. 难得我还要再认为被人欺负之下还要默默的忍受吗? 

是的,我说过我活着不是为了取悦他人, 所以我就写了很多东西, 我就是因为不在乎了,所以拼命写咯. 难道这也有错? 是啊, 我不需要你的支持, 如果你不同意我的做法, 反正我从一开始始终是一个人不是吗? 我告诉过自己, 人家付出多少, 我就付出多少, 因为在我付出和在意很多的时候, 我感受不到被在乎, 这让我很痛苦. 如果有一天我不再热情,不要怪我冷淡了.. 

i dream of my boy friend broke up with me =.=
i felt like only 1 night, i got really no one anymore, except my family..
my dearest getting far away from me..

I won't update any status on my Facebook anymore, since there is someone feel annoy and pressure. My status will all been update here from right now. Rather than someone said my status give too much disturbance. Here not much ppl will concern about me and not much ppl know me and the person, so I think it's better? And halo to the person, I know that u still cannot accept the things I write here as u thought or it seem like challenge, but please do understand my situation, I already do whatever to make you better, and beside u feel better, I also need somewhere to release my feeling, my thoughts, my opinions, my emotions, I can't keep it inside with me too long, I will going to be crazy. Until now I still don't understand what I had did was wrong on my facebook just because I tried to fight back. Just hope u not going to make me mad and make the things go worst, as u know that if anything unimpressed are because both parties fault, not only ones. Sometimes I just need u to listen to my heart, as I listen yours too. I already out of idea to impress u anymore, I dont know what can I do anymore, sometimes I am just tired of being work hard to protect our relationship, maybe we are not suitable to each other, I really do hope that we can do more than that, I really hate argument, I hate misunderstood, I hate being doubt, and hate being alone if I am in relationship with someone, if these does not make any changes, what is the point for me to start a relationship? Since I can own these all when I'm single.

And I really felt upset and a bit disappointed when my afford being not be appreciated. I was spent all my time to completed the book, I was think very hard to write those things, and you, only read 1st page, then put it a side, the reason is u got no time to read. (I was headache of too little page and little things to write on that book, it's not even 10 pages if no mistaken, and u told me u got no time) what is the point to did all those stuff for u? I just felt I'm silly to did everything.

I knew that I'm not mature sometimes, keep asking u to bring me here and there, eat nice foods, and buy something I like. And I already try to telling myself to control, and don't keep spending, I know our status and situation. I just need some support and 安慰.

Ps: I'm here not to blame or what, I just write my feeling, hope u do understand.

its so unfair to my dad

My dad was death for almost 4 months or even more, and sometimes I still miss him very much~
Our house lost 1 member, who always used to in living room, his table, all the time and watched the TV for 24 hours without letting others people to watch. I miss his voice, his scary face expression, and his shadow.

Now I still wonder, why my dad didn't even been pushed to surgery room to try any luck. I knew that his situation was very critical at the time, but it isn't the responsibility for any doctors to try their best to save the patient? Especially when the patient already been knew that surgery or not also will die, why didn't try luck? Since even without operation, the patient also will die, why? It was so unfair for my dad, didn't even push to operation room, already been announced cannot being save? We watched so many dramas about the surgery, all of the dramas will try their best to save the patient, even its very high risk, as long as already do their best..

But why? My dad been announced cannot be saved? I will very thankful to doctor, if there was someone try to save him, even he might die too when the operation is on going, but at least I know there was someone wanted to save him. I miss him so much~

很多事情是不能回头了, 随着时间的进行, 我们都在学习, 吸取经验, 而成就现在的我们.
不管我们对曾经有多怀念, 都没办法像以前一样了...
以前知道的事物少, 现在知道的比以前多, 多多少少我们的心也多了些东西, 有时我们真的只能假装不知道, 才能像以前那样显得傻气..
我不晓得, 我的成长能力有多好, 但是我只知道, 我不能再像以前那样了, 不再是单纯天真的我了,
而是学到很多东西的我, 有好的坏的..
很多事情都不会跟着我们的理想而进行, 很多时候它都是跟你唱反调.
很多东西虽然是不知者无罪, 但在你发现时却是内疚不已.
很多东西虽然是理所当然, 但很多时候都是自以为是.
也许最好的解药就是: 宽容与接受, 和珍惜.
虽然很多事物都会让你很怨恨与委屈, 但是心放宽点, 信念转一下, 很多时候你会发现, 事情也许并不是你想象中那么的糟糕..
但是要了解到, 过去已成为历史, 我们只能不停的吸收, 学习, 或尽量保持以前的那份单纯, 但是无论如何, 但是思想和心情必定不再像以前那样.

我要的生活 :)

我幻想着, 当我做工的时候, 跟一个好姐妹住一块, 吃喝玩乐, 我最爱窝在家里.. 因为懒惰出去, 在家要做什么都行.

养着一堆动物, 小狗, 小猫, 乌龟 :)
然后, 周末在家追韩国片, 边喝着啤酒, 有时看看书, 打滚在一起, 跳床~
感性时可以抽抽烟, 喝喝咖啡.
月尾就疯狂的逛街, 然后回家疯狂的轰趴~ :)

真是前未所有的享受:)

recently

Recently James not much concern about me. Am I too sensitive? Or other else? I don't know.

But it's true that James does not concern about me much as last time, it just recently. Ignore my advice, my worry, my concern, he keeps telling me that I'm think too much and sensitive. But what I can feel is base on what had he done. 

The frequent he drinks alcohol, smoking, clubbing, and even the time he lim teh with his friends does increase, last time he still knew I worry or else, he will back at midnight, but recently, he back around 2 or 3 pm. I just don't know what can I say and do. Because we argue for this for few times d, and I really don't know what else I can do, I just feel like he now cares of himself and his friends more than me till he forgot he got a girl friend who waits for him and need him anytime. I really feel upset recently, I'm lost. Where is feeling had gone? Is him the guy I want as my partner? and yes, he is. But I don't know whether he can lives in my heart till we get marry in the future, if he still keeps doing what he likes, I really can't promise and sure. I really hope he can realize that I really need him, not this kind at this moment. 

He can play his game while having supper with me and his friend, I was there beside him!! he just playing his game! wtf! not I too control what he doing, but I don't like the feeling he leave a side and he play his game which is not much important, and let me felt I'm not important as his game. It's so ironic u know, damn it hate the feeling so much.

New semester started already

Finally can study liao~

But, I got 1 subject failed in exam last sem, which is Managing People and Performance, I failed!! damn it!

So, either got to retake the subject or do another subject will be my option. Sigh

This semester I got 5 subjects got to taking. Stress arr~

But never mind, I will do my best!! To get a good result, I must study hard and do more revision~

Learn from others as well..

Below is the subjects I taking this sem:

From left to right ya: 

advanced research methodology, career guidance and prep for psy 2, learning and cognition,conflict theory, consumer behaviour

(the note book is given by my darling ^.^)

currently I have been attended the consumer behaviour class only, the rest will be start on 5th of Sept.

So I only tell a little bit about consumer behaviour. I am very headache about consumer behaviour because its 100% work, means which have no exam at the end. Its con and pro as well.. sigh, Im very scare of group assignment, because i don really like to work with others.. and its not easy to have a good partners.. sigh

But nevermind, can pratice myself to work with other, so that i can get use to it in my life and do more interactions with others, and as i know the partners are not perfect to me, I will do my best to get better result~ 

Oh ya! I bought 2 english books for self learning to improve my language strength~ as below:

I found that these 2 books have no answer provide for the exercises.=.= wat the hell~

Luckily I got a best friend who is english education background can mark for me~ thanks her so much~ muakss!

3rd sem exam result

Sigh~ got happiness also got sadness...
A bit disappointed to myself, my SU electives subjects got not really pretty result, my Managing people and Performance failed and got to retake it. While Business Skills 2 got grade 8 which considered lower second class grade.. really shame, sigh~

But my psychology subjects got not bad, at least got improved ^.^
Today I just bought 2 English learning books for self study to improve my language. If want to survive in college life, the 1st thing to do is improve your english, and you only can do well in your study.

1st clubbing in my life

Finally I step in club "Fuel" in auto-city, with my bf and his friends.

First I step in, just saw everyone stand at their place, and in front got a live band, so song very loud.

Seriously, how many people there I don't know, because I don't know them. I saw almost everyone start to shake their body with the music, but I don't feel want to shake, maybe the atmosphere not as I thought. 

So I just keep drinking the beer, honesty, its not tasty, I miss Over Time already, haha.

As I keep drinking, but I know I did not over drink. I start felt dizzy as usual when i drink alcohol. To prevent letting people know I dizzy, I got to move my body with the music too, and it was fun, I start feel funny, and keep laughing (ofcoz not tat obvious, people didnt know 1). And I back at around 1am, honesty, I can't even walk properly, I fell down somemore outside the club =.=

And start talked nonsense to james, I not that bad ya? because I know what had I done on that day. 

After I reached my house, I took long time to open the lock of my gate =.=, and took long time to climb to my room (there is staircase to my room), and I can't found my mobile phone, went down again use home phone to call james for knowing where is my phone he placed. 

After that I went to vomit everything out in my toilet, and fall asleep on my bed.

But next day, I got a serious headache I never tried before, and I still not yet awake from alcohol, because I can't walk straight forward =.=. 1st time in my life got a serious drunk, sigh.

Stomach don't felt well, and vomit again, its empty in my stomach, so nth come out, but as I know, its really suffer. Thought everything will fine after 1st vomit, but who knows, I still haven't get well from suffering, stomach didnt feel well whole day, and I got to beware do not vomit on the floor.

Thought drinking plain water will help me to reduce the suffer, but, once i drink, I got to run to toilet after few minutes, and throw out the water.=.=... really suffer. sigh

3 weeks without dad

It's already 3 weeks without dad. If I said I already use to it in short term, I am sure that a lot of people will said I'm not a good daughter. Yup, honesty I already use to it.

If my dad still alive and he was leave home, I will miss him and ask him to come back then. But the truth is he already gone, a death person which the soul might in different dimension which we can't see, touch and hear. So I'm not going to be stubborn and hypnosis myself that my dad still alive and he will back to us 1 day. I won't do that!! I just want my dad to rest in peace and don't worry about us, he now in his world and his own stuff. Not I don't want to show that how sad am I on my lost, because I know what am I doing. 

I'm not going to pretend GOOD daughter in front people, because I am who I am. And seriously, I don't like people asking me how well am I after my dad gone, am I use to it or not, etc. Because I know that, if I say I use to it, I'm not sad at all now, people sure will doubt of me and pointing on me beside I don't feel like be over concern by others as well. So I rather people ignore my lost, just talk to me as usual is very helpful for me. 

Honesty, I feel comfortable without dad. Maybe he gave too much pressure when he was alive, under the pressure, I always felt scared and worried, even when go out with friends. But now, I got my freedom, and I enjoy it. Do not point on me, because I know what others will think of me. But I am just tell what my feeling now. And I'm not happy that my dad pass away, just feel there is no much pressure already. Still miss him even I'm enjoy my life now.

3rd day of my dad in hospital

Today is 3rd day my dad lay in hospital, he is still sleeping, I think he really got tired and he wants enough rest only can wake up.. So I will waiting for him. 

Last night, we went to asked the chines god which my mum request to do so. To let her not to worry, so we go and ask even I damn don't believe in this. 

I pray hardly even I am not believe in it, but I still hope the god can give us the answer, but I already the god is fake when I asked questions to the god..

Guess what she said? 

1. I gave her my dad lunar birthday, and told her my dad is in hospital now, so I want to know what happened to my dad and is it any miracle.

and guess what she said?she asked me back, why my dad in hospital? =.=..damn, if u are god, u totally no need to ask me these kind of questions because u already know what happened on him. 

Then my aunt so nervous and told her, my dad fainted because high pressure, and now in coma, cannot wake up, so what we need to do..=.=

after the god listened, she told us, "wah, like tis ar, very dangerous de lo... cannot promise when he can wake up, wat we can do is wait wait wait wait, and said, this kind of ill cannot put so much hope on that, we need to wait doctor, and said even he can wake up, we also got to take care of him for whole life, and blah blah blah..." 

please la, this answer I no need ask from god, any 5-year-old kids also can listened and learned from TV already, and u only told me back what i know..=.=... tot im stupid? go fuck off!!

somemore said we must take care my dad even he is wake up, pls la, i also know we need to take care la, takkan because of tis, we wish he is not wake up? damn!! 

no matter how i will do whatever i can! to let my dad survive. 

and she said my dad no hope, i will believe he sure can wake up and got hope! coz she is fake!!! 

Dad, don worry, we will never give up, and we not stupid to listen those fella~

my dad in hospital

yesterday morning, i received a call from my dad's friends, he told me that my dad was fainted and been sent to alor setar hospital, and i thought it was just dreaming or what, but actually not. At the beginning i have no feeling about it, but when he told me that my dad got very high pressure and about 200+, i really got shocked, how come this can happened? It's just like drama's story or scene, its can't be!

Because of my dad's situation very risky and critical, so they cannot move him and scare cannot rush back to penang, too dangerous to do so. So my dad was in alor setar's government hospital, and i called my mum about this news. She rushed to alor setar with my relatives to visit my dad, and stayed there for whole afternoon.

At evening, we got the call from alor setar said that my dad was stable for a while, so we can transfer him to penang hospital, its will be more convenient to us whenever we want to visit him or take care of him. So we decided to send him to penang.

At the night, we rushed to the penang's government hospital and they told us his pressure raised again, from 100+ to 200+.. really scared us. And his situation became more dangerous and critical. 

Seriously, I hated my dad sometimes, but at the same time, i do loved him, how much i hate, means how much i do love, maybe more than that. 

The doctors told us that, be prepared on psychological for anything that will happened, he might gone anytime. Honestly, we never be prepared for losing him, even my mum hates him too, but we really never mean to loss him. So now, we only can pray and wish that is miracle happens to us, and he can get well soon.

When I saw him lay on the bed, full with pairs and he got no response, I felt so sad and wish to let him know that i love him so much even i always fight for my freedom, but I seriously love him!! 

Doctor said we cannot do anything unless wait for miracle, and very high risk for operation, because that is bleeding on his brain, lower part that might causing his organs out of functions. 

I do hope that I am dreaming, everything is just a dream, not a fact, I really scared to loss him. I love him very much. I hope my dad can hear us, hear me, feel me when I am holding his hands. Seriously, and I felt guilt, because since secondary school, this is 1st time i hold my father's hands, and look at him so close. I was scare to look at him all the time, but this time, I hope he is looking at me, with his scary eyes. But he closed the eyes now. Daddy, I am missing you, really, I miss you so much. Please come back to us, please, I please you.

I promise u, I will do better in my studies, and i know now is a bit late to give promise, but please, I want you back to us. We need you. And don't angry on us anymore, we sorry about we always made you angry, but we will be good kids. 

I love u daddy, and I know u do love me too. So, you rest for few days enough already, after u enough rest, remember come back ya~ we always waiting for you~ no matter how long... love u~

I got a feeling~

hmm, we now already be together half year, and saw many couples married in this year, this really making me got a feeling to marry too... =.=
because I got to go KL for final year, I got a lot of things to worry about. So I really confuse about whether marry or not..
advantages of marry:
1. I can over night in his house whenever I wan, and my family a bit complicated, marry can solve it
2. We can do whatever we want to without worry or scare of my parent
3. Can follow him go every where even travelling or clubbing
4. I can still live in my parent house, since we haven't decide to have our own life yet.
5. I won't look at other guys, even other people might better than him, but officially treat him as my whole
6. Can strange our relationship, I can really relieve and go to KL for study (scare other people take him away from me)


things i worry about after marry:
1. Our relationship might turn cold when i am in KL for 1 year. (even not marry, just scare in case if really turn cold, then marry will make us suffer)

* just 1 thing i worry about..>.<

to do list in 2011-2012

1. next semester must get at least all C or above.. no more D
2. read english articles, essays, and fictions
3. study at least 2 hours per day
4. only can online at night for 2 hours
5. don disappointed my bf and family

love is blind~ sigh

    hmm, i saw 1 of my friend in a very complicated relationships, I don wan to mention the name la, later kills me~but hope she wont mind when read this post.

    I am here mention abit her stories not to back stab her, but I am just sharing what she is experiencing and my past experienced. Yup, as you saw "my experienced", I did have a complicated relationship last time, but not as complicated as hers.

    I really don't understand why can a person being so hard to make decision and stick with their own decision, human is the greedy animal, they never feel enough for what they owned, and stupid also, already know will get hurt, wont have bright future for this decision, but they still "hope" that is miracle happen soon. But reality is very cruel, wont let you easily get what you wish to.

    When you fall in love with someone, and you already love too deep, it is very hard for you to take back your heart from the person even you are a reality person, love means love, love is blind, even the partner is someone who has a family, has kids, or else that you should not start any relationship with him or her. But it is too late if you really love the person, unless you get hurt by the partner.

   Yup, no hurt no wake up. You keep dreaming that miracle happen between you and him. Sigh, please wake up, I know that you love the guy, he no choice to has a family, the family got any problems also his business, if you make decision to stay with him, then stay with him, I am not blaming anyone, I just do not understand, why you want two choices? two partners on the same time?? if you love him, then don think of other guys, if you want to let him go, then let him go. Why here 1 partner, there another partner?
make yourself in trouble only~ not only you suffer, also all of partners suffer because of you decision. again, not blaming you~ just hope you can be more awake of wat actually you want~

just brought this for my car~

Febreze: country fresh

I think is some fresh scent, and yes it is fresh compare with the rest. But not much choice huh~

I just saw 3 choices, green, orange and purple colours, I don't know what actually the scents for the rest 2. I do not like the smell, it did annoyed me. =.=

so this is the best scent among them. My car really need a air freshness. Always got weird smell, especially after raining. the smell damn gosh~ i can't stand, even my lavender essence also cannot cope the weird smell.

My boy friend told me that I need something that to cure the bacteria, got weird smell is because of the germ, bacteria and so on. And febreze is use for clean the bacteria with the soft and fresh scent. 

I bought the big size 800ml, can use for a long period~ haha

crystals correction!!

recently addicted to crystals.. but at the beginning like always look at the crystal website.. and ordered from website as well...
in 1 week, I already purchased 2 times crystals, and total price almost RM200..
after i bought crystals, i got a feeling: regret. not regret because of the crystals, is regret on i buy so many crystals, actually no need to spent so much on this things~ we can buy when got extra money..
but never mind la~ already bought, now what i can do is, love my crystal, and stop addicted to other cystals as well...

now i show my crystals here.. :)

moon stone necklace

rose quartz bracelet

obsidian bracelet

moon stone bracelet

Moon stone: helpful on relationship, increase the intimate between couple, beauty, helpful on diet, etc

Rose quartz: increase the interpersonal relationship among people, love, increase the awareness on self.

Obsidian: improve the stamina of the person, decrease the sickness, strong, etc..

I found that obsidian can help me to focus on study and pay attention~ thats why I bought it~ hope it really does help on focusing~ i really need "FOCUS"" =.=