很多事情是不能回头了, 随着时间的进行, 我们都在学习, 吸取经验, 而成就现在的我们.
不管我们对曾经有多怀念, 都没办法像以前一样了...
以前知道的事物少, 现在知道的比以前多, 多多少少我们的心也多了些东西, 有时我们真的只能假装不知道, 才能像以前那样显得傻气..
我不晓得, 我的成长能力有多好, 但是我只知道, 我不能再像以前那样了, 不再是单纯天真的我了,
而是学到很多东西的我, 有好的坏的..
很多事情都不会跟着我们的理想而进行, 很多时候它都是跟你唱反调.
很多东西虽然是不知者无罪, 但在你发现时却是内疚不已.
很多东西虽然是理所当然, 但很多时候都是自以为是.
也许最好的解药就是: 宽容与接受, 和珍惜.
虽然很多事物都会让你很怨恨与委屈, 但是心放宽点, 信念转一下, 很多时候你会发现, 事情也许并不是你想象中那么的糟糕..
但是要了解到, 过去已成为历史, 我们只能不停的吸收, 学习, 或尽量保持以前的那份单纯, 但是无论如何, 但是思想和心情必定不再像以前那样.

我要的生活 :)

我幻想着, 当我做工的时候, 跟一个好姐妹住一块, 吃喝玩乐, 我最爱窝在家里.. 因为懒惰出去, 在家要做什么都行.

养着一堆动物, 小狗, 小猫, 乌龟 :)
然后, 周末在家追韩国片, 边喝着啤酒, 有时看看书, 打滚在一起, 跳床~
感性时可以抽抽烟, 喝喝咖啡.
月尾就疯狂的逛街, 然后回家疯狂的轰趴~ :)

真是前未所有的享受:)

recently

Recently James not much concern about me. Am I too sensitive? Or other else? I don't know.

But it's true that James does not concern about me much as last time, it just recently. Ignore my advice, my worry, my concern, he keeps telling me that I'm think too much and sensitive. But what I can feel is base on what had he done. 

The frequent he drinks alcohol, smoking, clubbing, and even the time he lim teh with his friends does increase, last time he still knew I worry or else, he will back at midnight, but recently, he back around 2 or 3 pm. I just don't know what can I say and do. Because we argue for this for few times d, and I really don't know what else I can do, I just feel like he now cares of himself and his friends more than me till he forgot he got a girl friend who waits for him and need him anytime. I really feel upset recently, I'm lost. Where is feeling had gone? Is him the guy I want as my partner? and yes, he is. But I don't know whether he can lives in my heart till we get marry in the future, if he still keeps doing what he likes, I really can't promise and sure. I really hope he can realize that I really need him, not this kind at this moment. 

He can play his game while having supper with me and his friend, I was there beside him!! he just playing his game! wtf! not I too control what he doing, but I don't like the feeling he leave a side and he play his game which is not much important, and let me felt I'm not important as his game. It's so ironic u know, damn it hate the feeling so much.

New semester started already

Finally can study liao~

But, I got 1 subject failed in exam last sem, which is Managing People and Performance, I failed!! damn it!

So, either got to retake the subject or do another subject will be my option. Sigh

This semester I got 5 subjects got to taking. Stress arr~

But never mind, I will do my best!! To get a good result, I must study hard and do more revision~

Learn from others as well..

Below is the subjects I taking this sem:

From left to right ya: 

advanced research methodology, career guidance and prep for psy 2, learning and cognition,conflict theory, consumer behaviour

(the note book is given by my darling ^.^)

currently I have been attended the consumer behaviour class only, the rest will be start on 5th of Sept.

So I only tell a little bit about consumer behaviour. I am very headache about consumer behaviour because its 100% work, means which have no exam at the end. Its con and pro as well.. sigh, Im very scare of group assignment, because i don really like to work with others.. and its not easy to have a good partners.. sigh

But nevermind, can pratice myself to work with other, so that i can get use to it in my life and do more interactions with others, and as i know the partners are not perfect to me, I will do my best to get better result~ 

Oh ya! I bought 2 english books for self learning to improve my language strength~ as below:

I found that these 2 books have no answer provide for the exercises.=.= wat the hell~

Luckily I got a best friend who is english education background can mark for me~ thanks her so much~ muakss!

3rd sem exam result

Sigh~ got happiness also got sadness...
A bit disappointed to myself, my SU electives subjects got not really pretty result, my Managing people and Performance failed and got to retake it. While Business Skills 2 got grade 8 which considered lower second class grade.. really shame, sigh~

But my psychology subjects got not bad, at least got improved ^.^
Today I just bought 2 English learning books for self study to improve my language. If want to survive in college life, the 1st thing to do is improve your english, and you only can do well in your study.

1st clubbing in my life

Finally I step in club "Fuel" in auto-city, with my bf and his friends.

First I step in, just saw everyone stand at their place, and in front got a live band, so song very loud.

Seriously, how many people there I don't know, because I don't know them. I saw almost everyone start to shake their body with the music, but I don't feel want to shake, maybe the atmosphere not as I thought. 

So I just keep drinking the beer, honesty, its not tasty, I miss Over Time already, haha.

As I keep drinking, but I know I did not over drink. I start felt dizzy as usual when i drink alcohol. To prevent letting people know I dizzy, I got to move my body with the music too, and it was fun, I start feel funny, and keep laughing (ofcoz not tat obvious, people didnt know 1). And I back at around 1am, honesty, I can't even walk properly, I fell down somemore outside the club =.=

And start talked nonsense to james, I not that bad ya? because I know what had I done on that day. 

After I reached my house, I took long time to open the lock of my gate =.=, and took long time to climb to my room (there is staircase to my room), and I can't found my mobile phone, went down again use home phone to call james for knowing where is my phone he placed. 

After that I went to vomit everything out in my toilet, and fall asleep on my bed.

But next day, I got a serious headache I never tried before, and I still not yet awake from alcohol, because I can't walk straight forward =.=. 1st time in my life got a serious drunk, sigh.

Stomach don't felt well, and vomit again, its empty in my stomach, so nth come out, but as I know, its really suffer. Thought everything will fine after 1st vomit, but who knows, I still haven't get well from suffering, stomach didnt feel well whole day, and I got to beware do not vomit on the floor.

Thought drinking plain water will help me to reduce the suffer, but, once i drink, I got to run to toilet after few minutes, and throw out the water.=.=... really suffer. sigh

3 weeks without dad

It's already 3 weeks without dad. If I said I already use to it in short term, I am sure that a lot of people will said I'm not a good daughter. Yup, honesty I already use to it.

If my dad still alive and he was leave home, I will miss him and ask him to come back then. But the truth is he already gone, a death person which the soul might in different dimension which we can't see, touch and hear. So I'm not going to be stubborn and hypnosis myself that my dad still alive and he will back to us 1 day. I won't do that!! I just want my dad to rest in peace and don't worry about us, he now in his world and his own stuff. Not I don't want to show that how sad am I on my lost, because I know what am I doing. 

I'm not going to pretend GOOD daughter in front people, because I am who I am. And seriously, I don't like people asking me how well am I after my dad gone, am I use to it or not, etc. Because I know that, if I say I use to it, I'm not sad at all now, people sure will doubt of me and pointing on me beside I don't feel like be over concern by others as well. So I rather people ignore my lost, just talk to me as usual is very helpful for me. 

Honesty, I feel comfortable without dad. Maybe he gave too much pressure when he was alive, under the pressure, I always felt scared and worried, even when go out with friends. But now, I got my freedom, and I enjoy it. Do not point on me, because I know what others will think of me. But I am just tell what my feeling now. And I'm not happy that my dad pass away, just feel there is no much pressure already. Still miss him even I'm enjoy my life now.

3rd day of my dad in hospital

Today is 3rd day my dad lay in hospital, he is still sleeping, I think he really got tired and he wants enough rest only can wake up.. So I will waiting for him. 

Last night, we went to asked the chines god which my mum request to do so. To let her not to worry, so we go and ask even I damn don't believe in this. 

I pray hardly even I am not believe in it, but I still hope the god can give us the answer, but I already the god is fake when I asked questions to the god..

Guess what she said? 

1. I gave her my dad lunar birthday, and told her my dad is in hospital now, so I want to know what happened to my dad and is it any miracle.

and guess what she said?she asked me back, why my dad in hospital? =.=..damn, if u are god, u totally no need to ask me these kind of questions because u already know what happened on him. 

Then my aunt so nervous and told her, my dad fainted because high pressure, and now in coma, cannot wake up, so what we need to do..=.=

after the god listened, she told us, "wah, like tis ar, very dangerous de lo... cannot promise when he can wake up, wat we can do is wait wait wait wait, and said, this kind of ill cannot put so much hope on that, we need to wait doctor, and said even he can wake up, we also got to take care of him for whole life, and blah blah blah..." 

please la, this answer I no need ask from god, any 5-year-old kids also can listened and learned from TV already, and u only told me back what i know..=.=... tot im stupid? go fuck off!!

somemore said we must take care my dad even he is wake up, pls la, i also know we need to take care la, takkan because of tis, we wish he is not wake up? damn!! 

no matter how i will do whatever i can! to let my dad survive. 

and she said my dad no hope, i will believe he sure can wake up and got hope! coz she is fake!!! 

Dad, don worry, we will never give up, and we not stupid to listen those fella~

my dad in hospital

yesterday morning, i received a call from my dad's friends, he told me that my dad was fainted and been sent to alor setar hospital, and i thought it was just dreaming or what, but actually not. At the beginning i have no feeling about it, but when he told me that my dad got very high pressure and about 200+, i really got shocked, how come this can happened? It's just like drama's story or scene, its can't be!

Because of my dad's situation very risky and critical, so they cannot move him and scare cannot rush back to penang, too dangerous to do so. So my dad was in alor setar's government hospital, and i called my mum about this news. She rushed to alor setar with my relatives to visit my dad, and stayed there for whole afternoon.

At evening, we got the call from alor setar said that my dad was stable for a while, so we can transfer him to penang hospital, its will be more convenient to us whenever we want to visit him or take care of him. So we decided to send him to penang.

At the night, we rushed to the penang's government hospital and they told us his pressure raised again, from 100+ to 200+.. really scared us. And his situation became more dangerous and critical. 

Seriously, I hated my dad sometimes, but at the same time, i do loved him, how much i hate, means how much i do love, maybe more than that. 

The doctors told us that, be prepared on psychological for anything that will happened, he might gone anytime. Honestly, we never be prepared for losing him, even my mum hates him too, but we really never mean to loss him. So now, we only can pray and wish that is miracle happens to us, and he can get well soon.

When I saw him lay on the bed, full with pairs and he got no response, I felt so sad and wish to let him know that i love him so much even i always fight for my freedom, but I seriously love him!! 

Doctor said we cannot do anything unless wait for miracle, and very high risk for operation, because that is bleeding on his brain, lower part that might causing his organs out of functions. 

I do hope that I am dreaming, everything is just a dream, not a fact, I really scared to loss him. I love him very much. I hope my dad can hear us, hear me, feel me when I am holding his hands. Seriously, and I felt guilt, because since secondary school, this is 1st time i hold my father's hands, and look at him so close. I was scare to look at him all the time, but this time, I hope he is looking at me, with his scary eyes. But he closed the eyes now. Daddy, I am missing you, really, I miss you so much. Please come back to us, please, I please you.

I promise u, I will do better in my studies, and i know now is a bit late to give promise, but please, I want you back to us. We need you. And don't angry on us anymore, we sorry about we always made you angry, but we will be good kids. 

I love u daddy, and I know u do love me too. So, you rest for few days enough already, after u enough rest, remember come back ya~ we always waiting for you~ no matter how long... love u~

I got a feeling~

hmm, we now already be together half year, and saw many couples married in this year, this really making me got a feeling to marry too... =.=
because I got to go KL for final year, I got a lot of things to worry about. So I really confuse about whether marry or not..
advantages of marry:
1. I can over night in his house whenever I wan, and my family a bit complicated, marry can solve it
2. We can do whatever we want to without worry or scare of my parent
3. Can follow him go every where even travelling or clubbing
4. I can still live in my parent house, since we haven't decide to have our own life yet.
5. I won't look at other guys, even other people might better than him, but officially treat him as my whole
6. Can strange our relationship, I can really relieve and go to KL for study (scare other people take him away from me)


things i worry about after marry:
1. Our relationship might turn cold when i am in KL for 1 year. (even not marry, just scare in case if really turn cold, then marry will make us suffer)

* just 1 thing i worry about..>.<

to do list in 2011-2012

1. next semester must get at least all C or above.. no more D
2. read english articles, essays, and fictions
3. study at least 2 hours per day
4. only can online at night for 2 hours
5. don disappointed my bf and family

love is blind~ sigh

    hmm, i saw 1 of my friend in a very complicated relationships, I don wan to mention the name la, later kills me~but hope she wont mind when read this post.

    I am here mention abit her stories not to back stab her, but I am just sharing what she is experiencing and my past experienced. Yup, as you saw "my experienced", I did have a complicated relationship last time, but not as complicated as hers.

    I really don't understand why can a person being so hard to make decision and stick with their own decision, human is the greedy animal, they never feel enough for what they owned, and stupid also, already know will get hurt, wont have bright future for this decision, but they still "hope" that is miracle happen soon. But reality is very cruel, wont let you easily get what you wish to.

    When you fall in love with someone, and you already love too deep, it is very hard for you to take back your heart from the person even you are a reality person, love means love, love is blind, even the partner is someone who has a family, has kids, or else that you should not start any relationship with him or her. But it is too late if you really love the person, unless you get hurt by the partner.

   Yup, no hurt no wake up. You keep dreaming that miracle happen between you and him. Sigh, please wake up, I know that you love the guy, he no choice to has a family, the family got any problems also his business, if you make decision to stay with him, then stay with him, I am not blaming anyone, I just do not understand, why you want two choices? two partners on the same time?? if you love him, then don think of other guys, if you want to let him go, then let him go. Why here 1 partner, there another partner?
make yourself in trouble only~ not only you suffer, also all of partners suffer because of you decision. again, not blaming you~ just hope you can be more awake of wat actually you want~

just brought this for my car~

Febreze: country fresh

I think is some fresh scent, and yes it is fresh compare with the rest. But not much choice huh~

I just saw 3 choices, green, orange and purple colours, I don't know what actually the scents for the rest 2. I do not like the smell, it did annoyed me. =.=

so this is the best scent among them. My car really need a air freshness. Always got weird smell, especially after raining. the smell damn gosh~ i can't stand, even my lavender essence also cannot cope the weird smell.

My boy friend told me that I need something that to cure the bacteria, got weird smell is because of the germ, bacteria and so on. And febreze is use for clean the bacteria with the soft and fresh scent. 

I bought the big size 800ml, can use for a long period~ haha

crystals correction!!

recently addicted to crystals.. but at the beginning like always look at the crystal website.. and ordered from website as well...
in 1 week, I already purchased 2 times crystals, and total price almost RM200..
after i bought crystals, i got a feeling: regret. not regret because of the crystals, is regret on i buy so many crystals, actually no need to spent so much on this things~ we can buy when got extra money..
but never mind la~ already bought, now what i can do is, love my crystal, and stop addicted to other cystals as well...

now i show my crystals here.. :)

moon stone necklace

rose quartz bracelet

obsidian bracelet

moon stone bracelet

Moon stone: helpful on relationship, increase the intimate between couple, beauty, helpful on diet, etc

Rose quartz: increase the interpersonal relationship among people, love, increase the awareness on self.

Obsidian: improve the stamina of the person, decrease the sickness, strong, etc..

I found that obsidian can help me to focus on study and pay attention~ thats why I bought it~ hope it really does help on focusing~ i really need "FOCUS"" =.=

damn!!!

what a bad day today??
already instant transfer the money to people to claim my crystal..
but people said haven't receive anything from me..

I go check again~ what a problem I met now??
There are two side to check the details.
1. view click transaction: successful of the transaction details all are listed out, included what bank I transfer to, and transfer to who, with the amount and time & date as well.
2. calendar view: fucking unclear details listed out, without showing the account I transfer to, name of the person, and also the bank I transfer to. (just showed the amount of the money had transfer. damn!) what is the problem now??

Should I claim with the person or the bank??
If I claim with the person, then if he really didn't receive any payment from me, how?
For what he bear this amount of payment? with just a receipt of evidence from me?
Should I claim with the bank? since they didn't show the very CLEAR details for their customer!!

bad luck of saturday~

Yesterday, was outside with my boyfriend for whole day.

When we wanna go take the car, found that the back window of his car already broke into "spider web"

We can't even find out what actually caused the window brake...

Nothing disappear, nothing to suspect, no knock on car and the alarm no ring too..

Really do not understand what had happened, we really cannot accept what had happened to the car..

Replace the window at least need 500 bucks, it not a small amount for us when we have other thing to bear..

My boyfriend was shocked and he was not in mood.. the conversation between us also became less..

I know I cannot do anything beside accompany him, and give him some mental support.. that's all I can do.

After a day, Sunday today.

I still cannot feel that he feels better for last night incident..

He went out with friends for whole day, and I understand..

yes, I did understand him and didn't against or complain him..

Now he need to relax, release, and support for his friends as well..

Even I miss him, but I don't feel want to increase his stress..

darling, I hope u feel better soon, and response to me when u need me..

I will feel happy when u need me.. don wan u to bear everything urself..

cause i really donno wat can actually i do for u.. 

i scare u will leave me 1 day when u feel so much stress from me..

To do list (movie, June-July 2011)

1. Quarantine (scary movie about recorded some scary screen, USA)
2. Rec 1 






3. Rec 2






4. Unknown


5. Day breakers






# to do list is the list i wanna to done it~
not just list down and didnt do anything~ i list down to remind me to watch them as much as i can :)

recently discovery~

Recently spent quite a lot on body care. My friends introduced me some very nice body care.

Below are the things that I bought.

My lip stuff: Peace of Mind is mine, while Cafe Latte is my friend..

My friend introduced this lip balm to us, said that it's made by a women who 

produced by natural stuff, like sunflower oil, etc.

Besides that, this also soften our lips as well beside they have over 400 flavours to choose.

Peace of Mind got the peppermint scent, and your lips will feel cool and spicy.

And it's really different compare with the lip balms from outside even branded.

After you apply on your lips, you will feel it's very oil, but don't worry,

it's just because you not use to it, and even it's does oil at the beginning, but it makes you feel soft,

not as others made u feel sticky. This is what I do like.

Play Boy: Play It Spicy

My friend currently using Play It Sweet, which is pink in colour, it does looked sweet with the design,

I choose Spicy is because I want to try something new beside same as my friend. 

And I do like Spicy smell as well. 

Body Shop: Aqua Lily Body Mist & Divine Calm Relaxing Massage Oil

These recently I do feel like want help my boyfriend massage his muscles since he stress and busy recently.

So that I do some research to find the massage oil. It's really few of shops that selling 

massage oil, and I found some in The Body Shop.

The one I bought is lavendar scent as I like the smell as well.

Lavendar can relaxed people from stress and tiredness, and my boyfriend does love the smell as well.

So that I bought it for massage use. 

Aqua Lily was bought because they have 50% discount, from original price RM45 to RM22.50

Really worth it, and I do love the this since long time ago, just never have chances to buy it.

So that, I bought 2 items. HeHe

Now I got 3 smells to exchange whenever I like since I got perfume, Aqua Lily and Play Boy.

I really do not know why I bought them since they are not a necessary stuff to have now. But what can I do since already bought? =.= 

alone winter warmer~ ing~

       Today after USM, i was plan to go eat something nice, because really stress recently, and there is no people who is really close with me accompany to having a wonderful lunch..

       So, I decide to having the lunch alone in winter warmer, the reason is there have a really great atmosphere, and I like their spaghetti as well. 

       I know that sure a lot of people can't accept to having meal alone in a restaurant or some where else, even most of my friends can't really accept my habit.. haha.. but i understand.

       I still think that, having meals alone and with someone else have their own joy, and I enjoy both. Enjoy the time when I am alone, and also enjoy the time when I am with someone else...

seafood spaghetti

I forget that this spaghetti have shrimps...=.=, I am not good in peeling the shrimp by using fork and spoon,

no choice, I have to use fingers to peel them even I am not willing to do so in western restaurant, but better than I get embarrassed when peeling them with fork and spoon...=.=" 

apple lemon cocktail 

This drink not as I expected, not the one that I wish to have. I am looking for something to fresh my mind, but this one just normal. Inside got some apple fresh, and the taste I am not really sure is it really lemon, because taste not as lemon..=.=

       When I am going to finish my spaghetti, my opposite table, just in front me, came in a Caucasion, with one malaysian old lady, and old man. The way that Caucasion behaved really attracted me, his actions and the way his behaved really different with us. 

        I saw them served with a fruit cocktail, at the beginning I am not really sure what is that cocktail's name, it is yellow with orange colour, untill they tasted the cocktail and talking about it I just know that is peach..

        From their reactions, I can know that the cocktail really nice, plus, the Caucasion's reactions really made me believed it is really good. So, i decided next time wanna try that cocktail as well. haha, thanks Caucasion~

batu ferringhi

 a very beautiful seaside~ the sands so pretty~

 got a river in the middle of the beach, so amazing~ loL

 what the footprint are there? a kind of bird? or chicken? 

can u see the baby crab? looked alike the sands. there are a lot of small crab on the beach...


well, we had fun on the beach, eating the corn while watch people playing around, and the view are so pretty just as the pictures..